A Public Service Announcement from Our Heroine

The winners of the 2008 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced! The real winner is awesome, but not my favorite. Below are my real favorites. I think I can win the whole magilla next year, folks. I write bad sentences now without even trying. Imagine what Team Heroine could do with only the addition of a financial sponsor and an Eastern European coach.

My favorite

Creeping slowly over the hill, the sun seemed to catch the small village nestled in the valley by surprise, which is a bit unusual really, as you'd think that something with a diameter of 865,000 miles and a surface temperature of 5780 degrees Kelvin, and which is more normally seen from 93,000,000 miles away, wouldn't be able to creep anywhere, let alone catch anything by surprise.

Malcolm Booth
Brinsworth, Rotherham, U.K.

My second favorite

Like almost every other post-Hegelian neo-hipster angst monkey at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Rene flatly rejected the labels society placed upon him.

Bob Salsbury
Spokane Valley, WA

File Under: We Laugh to Keep from Crying

Translation:

"Hey, did you hear about that P.Z. Myers guy?"

"Says he stuck a nail in Jesus and nothing happened to him?"

"Yeah, that guy."

"Eh, it's been done."

"Noob."

Art: Gustav Dore
Script: Peony
Latin: Bob the Trousered Ape

(H/T Peony Moss via Dawn)