Thursday, March 6, 2008

Our Heroine is Sitting in the Pity Pot

Y'all, I finished The Golden Age, and it's 11 pm, and I don't have anything to read. This makes me petulant and cranky. I have books lying everywhere, stuff I haven't read or have only half-read, but none of it's appealing to me now. I want something new, from the store, with a shiny cover and an uncracked spine.

Better still, I want to read The Moviegoer but I want it to be the first time I ever read it, which requires a DeLorean, a flux capacitor and 1.21 gigawatts to accomplish. You see that nothing will satisfy me? Why isn't Lost on right. now?

Whee! I went and found a Simpsons quote and it made me giggle:

B.T.Barlow: Mr. Mayor, I have a question for you. What if YOU came home one night to find your family tied up and gagged, with SOCKS in their mouths. They're screaming. You're trying to get in but there's too much BLOOD on the knob!!!!!

Mayor Quimby: What is your question about?

B.T.Barlow: It's about the budget sir.

I guess I'll just get over myself and go read Oprah.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Our Heroine is Not Above Bribing People with Meatballs

A post even the curmudgeonly Frank can approve.

Y'all, I have been blessed with some adorable and funny and sweet and affectionate cousins, and one of the most awesome of them is Christine Kinneary - the superfierce starting point guard for Boston University. She's up for AmericaEast fan favorite this season, so please go to this web site and vote for her:

I will make you some of my Nanna Crispino's meatballs if you do. And trust me, you really want to try those meatballs.

Voting wraps in two days, so no lolligagging!

Monday, March 3, 2008

Our Heroine Demands Truth in the Advertising of Ralph Fiennes!

I saw the movie In Bruges this weekend. GAW! What a terrible movie. A virtual perfect storm of things I hate to have paid good money to see. Let's see if I can enumerate the various ways in which this movie appalled me, in no particular order.

1) Complete dishonesty in advertising? Check.
The entire trailer was culled from the last 10 minutes of the movie, which leads one to believe that the movie consists of a suited Ralph Fiennes running through the streets of Bruges. As a girl I think that movie would be awesome. We all like Ralph Fiennes, right? He's so proper! He's so handsome! He's British! He's also fierce! I would have really liked that movie.

This was not that movie.

In this movie, the last 10 minutes would be the ONLY 10 minutes in which Fiennes appears on film, and the only 10 minutes in which anyone runs anywhere. The rest of the time, two annoying, generic hitmen (neither of whom are Ralph Fiennes) jaw at eachother

2) Completely amoral "anti-heroes" who are supposed to be likable and cool but who are actually utterly repellent in every particular? Check.
The leads are assassins, people. The fact that one likes castles and the other one, midgets, does not make them "quirky" and/or "charming."

3) Anti-American jokes that serve no purpose other than the director's ideology and to show his pseudo-intellectual European friends he is perfectly in tune with "right think?" Oh, definitely check.
In my humble opinion, if you want to make jokes about fat, loud, crass Americans and have it sting a bit, perhaps the people making the jokes shouldn't be child-killing assassins.

4) Cheap one-night stand with a drug-dealer, which ostensibly becomes "True LoveTM"? Check, indeed.
If a killer and a pusher who spend one day lying to and manipulating eachother, then shag, are what qualify as great lovers these days, then we have truly emptied the concept of love of all meaning.

So, that's it. I just really, really hated the movie. I turned to my friend at one point to roll my eyes over how heinous the whole thing was, but he was asleep. GAW! Yet further evidence that the movie was not only appalling, it was boring.

One final note on the plot. Sane people do not consider shagging a drug pusher an act of redemption appropriate to a parking-ticket, let alone child-murder. Turning yourself in to face the consequences? Yes, maybe. Drug-addled sex, followed by an assault charge? Not even close.