Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Our Heroine Predicts Fall Fashion Will Be Boxy, With A Chance of Ugly

Occasionally, Our Heroine must digress from her blog's serious treatment of such heavy topics as bier gartens to discuss something frivolous: fashion. Our Heroine loves fashion. Dresses and skirts most particularly. So, just on a whim, Our Heroine looked at the Bloomingdale's website to see what she might have to look forward to for Fall, and what she saw gave her a queasy feeling in her stomach and some sharp pains in her chest. Ladies, the future does not look good for us.

Item 1:

What is this!? Are we sure that we, as a nation, want to go down the road of giant, purple, shoulder-padded shirts, coupled with leopard-print leggings? Have we really thought this through? I mean really thought it through, using the scientific method and such?

Item 2:

Bloomingdale's calls this a dress. No, it's not. It is a shirt with a belt. It's not even debatable. It's just science.

Item 3:

Oh, come on! Do you see those shoulders? Haven't we - again - as a nation, been making fun of ridiculous 80's shoulder pads until as recently as 11:59 p.m. last evening? Don't try to tell me that while I slept with a cat curled around my head, linebacker shoulders became foxy. Neither me, nor the cat, are fooled.

Item 4:

I've not much to say except, AGAIN WITH THE LEOPARD PRINT LEGGINGS? Why are you doing this to me Diane von Furstenburg? Why?

Looks like this Fall I learn to live in sweats, because I refuse to beclown myself as indicated above.



BMT said...

Thanks for the anniversary wishes! I was reading the free subway paper on the way to work yesterday (because I am so intellectual) and I had the same thoughts looking at the fashion page. I don't know if the link will come up, but this "strong-shouldered" jacket was a top pick for Fall. Ugh.

Our Heroine said...

Sweet fancy apple, that is one ugly jacket. The sequined Hammer pants rival it in fug, however.

godescalc said...

If you're going to cite the scientific method, I must wave my scientific degree at you, as I declare: ...well, actually, those shoulderpads do look rather silly. But I must dissent on the 2nd and 4th pictures, which strike me as quite stylish.

Our Heroine said...

godescalc: I don't have *strong* objections to the second and fourth pics either. I only object to a) what is clearly a shirt being called a "dress," and b) the ubiquitousness of the leopard print leggings. I think that purple mini-dress is rather fetching otherwise!

Also, I am the Mrs. Malaprop of science - there is no term I shrink from using incorrectly!