Tuesday, July 28, 2009

In Which Our Heroine Discovers a Philosophical Contradiction in Terms

Look, y'all, I attach this link under protest, in the interest of free speech, because on a metaphysical level, I don't believe that a movie about dinosaurs can ever be bad. I think it's a proven scientific axiom that the presence of "dinosaurs" in a movie is an imperative that precludes "bad" from also being present. But, what can I say, the Smithsonian disagrees with me, and provides this cautionary list.

The Five Worst Dinosaur Movies of All Time

Here's an example of their thinking:

Carnosaur III: [snip] An American special ops team is sent in to clean up, but since the dinosaurs are said to be indestructible (the reason why is never made clear), the remainder of the film mostly involves soldiers being shredded by dinosaur puppets. The director left things open for a fourth installment, but mercifully the series was left to wither.

What? I don't see the problem here. Indestructible dinosaurs, the result of a black-ops experiment, are on a rampage? How could that be bad? It's actually pretty prescient, if you ask me (you did not ask me). Whatever, go and read it yourself and see what you think. I have made my opinion clear.

HOWEVER, someone in the comments suggests that something called Raptor Island should be on the list. How is this possible? Who would be so foolish? People, I've said it before and will say it again, RAPTORS CAN OPEN DOORS AND THEY WILL NOT BE MOCKED.


Brian Visaggio said...

Remember when I said that I thought I loved you?

You just defended Raptor Island.

I think now that I must.


Our Heroine said...

It was purely self-interested! When the raptors come to be our reptilian overlords, I want it on record that I defended Raptor Island.

BMT said...

We're being hunted....Clever girl.

Our Heroine said...

BMT, I can't figure out how to embed this in the comments, but this .jpg is for you: